their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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