So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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