im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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