And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize