i would punch a child for taco bell
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
