i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
