I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
