Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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