I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
