I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
my poor anus
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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