he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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