I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
