Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
