It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
