they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
