God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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