i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
