we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Randomize
