I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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