You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
