If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This baby is an asshole
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
