She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
