Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
