OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
