the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
