i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
