i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
