forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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