He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
