I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My vagina is officially offended.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
