Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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