Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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