I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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