What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
