Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
