Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
