apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize