once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
