there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
