At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
