weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
