making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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