Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
