I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
