Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
