Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
