they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
