out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
