the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
