she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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