I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize