I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
