I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
