you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
