Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
