I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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