Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
