Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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