i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
