My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
