i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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