We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
