i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
