I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
