I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
