how hairy? two words: wookie tits
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
