thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize