1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
