i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize