I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fuck me I smell like cheese
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
