No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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