K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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