I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
