I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
