I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
