she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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