Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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