I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
