I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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