we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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