I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
