The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
