once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Randomize
