I feel like I'm in dance class right now
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
