We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
