its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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